


webmd says i'm dying, what now

by livtontea



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU - Uni, Anxiety Attacks, Hugs, M/M, No Beta, OOC, but im pretending im not doing that, hugs... love to get a hug rn, im projecting directly this is literally just me writing abt myself from an outside pov, it might be uni, normal au for sure tho lol, not necessarily slash but w/e its 2am im tired, vent fic?? ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26136436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livtontea/pseuds/livtontea
Summary: “WebMD says panic and-slash-or anxiety attacks are associated with at least four of the following—not gonna read the entire list, but it says sudden overwhelming fear, chest pain, sense of choking, nausea, dizziness, fear of dying, and chills or hot flushes.”
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39





	webmd says i'm dying, what now

**Author's Note:**

> title is a joke. im not dying. alec isnt dying. nobody is dying, im just having a not-fun time rn because i want to sleep very badly i have to get up at 8 for school and it's 2:30 now, and last time i was feeling like this i couldnt sleep until 5 and even then i didnt rlly sleep i just kinda layed there until morning w my eyes closed. webmd says im having an anxiety attack but idk its probably wrong so im writing this to chill tf out sdfkjsdgfd sorry if anything is inaccurate bc it probably is it's less a fic more a stream of consciousness where i am alec and magnus is my rationality and self-comforting part of my brain. sorry for dumping this on u, internet strangers who're reading this, everything's fine but im tired and didnt even read over this a second time, so theres probably a ton of mistakes and WHOO i just wanna go to sleep asksdfsdkhs CHEERS!!! hope ur having a good day <3 and if ur not i hope tomorrow is a better day for u ok love u bye
> 
> also this only has the teen rating bc i say shit like twice sjfdksds

“I think I’m having a panic attack.”

Magnus looks up from where he’s hunched over his laptop. Alec is curled on the bed, hand over his stomach, squinting at his phone.

“Are you alright?”

“Or—or an anxiety attack, or, something. I googled what they felt like and I’m… feeling it. Sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked if you were alright,” repeats Magnus, and decides it would be best to shut his laptop for the time being. 

“Oh. Um. I don’t know. Maybe? I think I’m gonna be fine.”

“That isn’t reassuring at all.”

“...Yeah, probably not. WebMD says panic and-slash-or anxiety attacks are associated with at least four of the following—not gonna read the entire list, but it says sudden overwhelming fear, chest pain, sense of choking, nausea, dizziness, fear of dying, and chills or hot flushes.”

“Those are the ones you’re feeling?”

“Mhm. I’m pretty sure, yeah. Definitely nausea and chest pain. It’s in my stomach a bit too.”

“That’s more than four.”

“Yeah.”

Magnus spins a slow circle on his swivel chair. “Does it say what to do to get it to stop?”

“...I don’t know. Hold on.” Magnus can practically hear Alexander speed-reading the website. “It’s just giving me long-term treatments for anxiety disorders. Do you think I need therapy?”

“I think you’re alright for now. Mind if I join you?”

“What?”

“On the bed. Scoot over?”

Alec scoots. Magnus fits himself in next to the curve of his back and tucks his knees to his chest. 

“I don’t mean to sound condescending, but have you tried breathing deeper?”

Alec takes a deep breath. Holds it.

“Better?”

He lets it out in one big whoosh. “Not really.”

“Hm.”

Alec keeps breathing deeply. “Do you think I’m over-reacting? And I’m fine, and it’s just me, I don’t know, faking it for attention?”

“Well, for one, it sounds like it feels pretty shit, so I doubt you’re faking it. Two, you have to be consciously faking something to fake it. Three—” Magnus taps Alec on the hip “—I’m the only one here, and you already have all my attention.”

Alec blushes and swats at his hand. “It could just be a one-time thing though.”

“Has this happened before?”

“At night. Can’t sleep.”

“It’s night now.”

“Yeah. I can’t sleep. I would—” Alec blows out another deep inhale, although this one is more of a sigh. “I would  _ love _ to be asleep right now. Bye-bye existential anxiety—hello sweet dream-land oblivion.”

“It’s not that late.”

“Yet.”

“Do you want water? I can go get you some water.”

Alec turns off his phone and rolls over onto his back, pressing it face-down on his chest. “I should probably drink more water.”

“More water now, or more water generally?”

“I don’t know. You’re asking a lot of questions.”

“Do you want me to stop? I can stop, if I’m making it worse.”

“You’re not,” says Alec. “You’re helping.”

“Do you want a hug?”

“You know what? I think that would be great.”

Alec maneuvers himself onto his side and Magnus lies down, inching closer to pull his arms around Alec’s waist. Alec presses his cheek into Magnus’ shoulder and exhales against the skin of his neck.

“That’s helping with the chest pain, I think.”

“Wouldn’t it be the opposite?”

“No, it’s like—it’s like, tight? Like a cage, but it’s around my lungs and shit. You know how barrels have the metal rings or whatever?”

“Yeah.”

“Like that. But it’s not actually there, it just feels like it. The pressure—you’re nice.”

“I’m nice?” Magnus chuckles into Alec’s hair.

“You know I didn’t mean it that way. But, yeah—you are nice.”

“I’m flattered.”

“It’s true,” insists Alec. “You’re laying here hugging me because I’m having a might-be anxiety attack. That’s plenty nice.”

“Well, I’d never miss an opportunity to hug you.”

“You could have hugged me this morning.”

“...I’d never miss an opportunity again.”

Alec laughs. Slightly. He’s beautiful. “See? Nice.”

**Author's Note:**

> wow that was short and not coherent at all! how lovely it is to be able to write, to create something out of nothing, no matter how much gibberish is going through my head while writing it. i wish my cat was here rn. i could have her lay on my chest and squeeze away the icky death-omen feeling. chairman meow would have been in this fic if my cat were with me but she isnt so u can blame her for the lack of the chairman... i miss him
> 
> anyway!! if u got this far good for u! i would apologize for the incoherent oversharing rambling mess that this is but its my fic and my problems and my inaccurate webmd diagnosis and also bc its past midnight i can do what i want!! u didnt have to click on this but u did and that was p cool of u, u might be disappointed u might be relating to it, who knows? not me! u dont even have to leave a comment if u dont want to i can barely see the screen alskdjffs but uh yeah kudos to u for reading this, im sure ur lovely and hope ur having a lovely day, good morning good evening and goodnight <3
> 
> (yes that was irt the truman show)
> 
> next day edit: this has a surprising amount of hits lol, jsyk im all good now, ty for your kind comments ily <33


End file.
